Why do pEople hurt other people? I mean, sometimes we unintentionally hurt others, but why do some people choose to hurt someone else on purpose? I don’t understand. What do they gain out of it? They just go through life doing what they want without a care in the world at the expense of someone else’s wellbeing? We all know someone (or multiple of people) who have hurt us. The kind of hurt that you wouldn’t wish on anyone else. The kind of pain you know you’re going to carry for the rest of your life. No one should know what that pain feels like, but yet we all feel it at some point in our lives. How can other people choose to hurt someone so deeply? The thought makes my soul hurt.

I have a friend who is one of the most happy, bubbly people I know. I’ve never seen her in a bad mood and she can light up a room. Yesterday, I got to hang out with her and another one of our friends. It was really fun day, but I’ve been processing everything that happened during our time together. Since it was just us, we found ourselves in deep conversations. She was very open about things that happened in her past. What she told us wasn’t a surprise to me. I don’t think everyone notices, but I did. For how fun and happy she is, there’s a dim shadow that follows her. You can’t see a shadow all the time, but you can in the right situation. She carries her trauma without letting anyone else see it. I am humbled that she felt safe enough to open up about what had happened and it led to one of the best conversations I’ve had in a long time.

But now, I’ve been contemplating everything since then. Mainly, it’s anger toward the people who hurt her. How can someone else do that to another person? No one deserves that. The sunlight that she brings into a room and the way she makes people feel is so bright. It’s absolutely terrible to think about the reality of what happened and the people who chose to do that. But, most importantly is that she is okay. She said that a lot of trust issues have resulted from her past and there’s still trauma she needs to work through, but overall she is good. She isn’t letting those people win. No one can change the past, but it takes a radical amount of self-love and resilience to not let what other people did define you. I envy her strength.

My heart hurts for her and other people in my life that have gone through absolutely terrible things. I feel a knot of pain in my chest. It’s a mix of anger at horrible people and also sadness for others. Everyone has trauma, everyone has pain, everyone has been hurt by someone else. It’s just very sad. The world is a dark place and it’s scary to genuinely trust others and feel safe with them. It shouldn’t have to be like that.

I was able to give her a hug yesterday. Well, I gave her a few hugs. It was the closest way I could empathize with her and physically feel her pain. In that moment, she was vulnerable and transparent about everything she had gone through. She knows she can’t change the past, but she also knows she isn’t defined by the malicious actions of other people. She is real and lucky for the rest of the world, she still chooses to shine brightly. Like the sun, she outshinEs the shadows.