I have a habit of getting on facebook everyday. And facebook has this terrible feature of showing “memories” of things posted on this day in the years prior. I’ve been getting a lot of your memories lately. Like our trip to Cbus for the Lush outlet and Disney store, going to Pittsburg for the only coffee shop in the midwest that sells authentic Haitian coffee and then winding up at a water circus show, and your post saying I was the best for bringing smoked brisket over to your house at 7am before you even woke up for the day. Do you ever think of me?

I know you have a husband and kid now, but it’s a question I wonder because I think of you. Even though people have told me how selfish you were as a friend, I think I still have a soft spot in my heart for you. During those years, I was a different person who catered to your every need and I was there for you. What did I get in return? Dropped off like a piece of garabage taken out routinely every Tuesday morning. I thought you cared about me, I guess I was wrong.

Five years later, I see facebook memories with you in all of them. I know you get them too, but maybe our memories are overshadowed by your own posts or status updates your mom tagged you in throughout the years since our time. I can’t help but wonder if you think of me? Maybe all these memory reminders from facebook help you remember what a good friend I was to you. I wasn’t perfect and I made a lot of mistakes in our friendship, but I tried to fix it. I really did. But you decided our friendship was over before I ever knew it was a thought. I didn’t even have time to change for the better. For you. If I had done better, would we still be friends? I hope so because you meant so much to me. But you didn’t even give me the chance to improve myself and our friendship. You just decided it was over.

I hope our facebook memories remind you of our friendship and what we had. I wouldn’t have bent over backwards like I had for just anybody. But quite frankly, you made your decision and I have many people in my life now that are way better friends than you ever were. I wish you the best. I used to tell you that you were going to miss me one day. You didn’t like when I said that because that implied we wouldn’t be friends forever, but deep down I knew it would end sometime. I still stand by that statement: you’re going to miss me one day. The devious part of me wishes that was true, but I know you’re not that unselfish. Thank you for the memories. Just know you completely broke my heart, but I’m better off without you. Or at least I like to think I am.